my journey with children

 This week I started the classes of postnatal yoga... I had the first class on Monday morning but today I had  back pain and I repeated it a bit with Ava, some of the exercises. I started the class with Jutta Wohlrab. She is a midwife in Berlin and offers these classes in German and English, online in real time and she fulfills these two conditions of the German insurance (TK - I have) to pay for these classes.  If you prefer to have these classes in English, I recommend Jutta. It's my second time I am doing these classes with her and I guess now, in Corona lockdown ( or the new "normality"), you can be anywhere in Germany and book the online classes with her.  I think you should start this classes after 2 months or so...but better ask your midwife. Before my first pregnancy with Erica, I was a great aerobics fan, three - four times a week. In this manner my back could handle all the heavy cameras and lenses I was caring, which I used to call back then "my babies...

Today we descovered one of the most beautiful playground in Berlin, really! Or I speak from Erica's reaction but also from what I have seen so far. We went initially to the Animal park at Hasenheide which they closed yesterday because of Corona and after I promised all the way in the car a playground, I was desperate to find one. I searched on map and it was this one in the middle of the park "1001 Nights Playground". It is really beautifully created/ designed and with a lot of climbing possibilities and for 2-3 years old toddlers. It's a bit far away from any entrance, or at least, this is how I felt carrying one baby and running after Erica, who was on her bycicle.  It keeps me fit but I have a terrible back pain in the same time. Tomorrow I start my regression classes / recover after giving birth ("rückbildungskurs" as it is called here). I feel I need it so badly.   

There are hard days without kindergarten with two children, when I am just surviving and easier days... Sometimes it feels like it's piece of cake and you think " I can do this for another few days". But then then there are days, when all it starts with a big cry, like today... plus it's Sunday, plus I went to sleep late, plus I had a bad headache. But then  Somehow children - toddlers, they do feel, as if they have a sensor, of how much you can or can not anymore : ).  Anybody feels me?

Erica is back to kindergarten. For a few hours, I am only with Ava. It is more silence in the house and she can sleep longer and deeper. Ava laughs a lot and smiles.. very beautiful to see her flourishing from one day to another. Sometimes I don't have time to notice this. I have to pay attention to Erica always, not to do anything to the small one. This focus on both, takes away a lot of energy...

I have learned this recently from my osteopath, to calm her down, putting her on one side and one hand on her chest and the other on her back. It really works well when she is a bit agitated. Sometimes I sing along "row row row your boat", our favorite children song. How do you calm down your baby ?

I speak with her but it is like she doesn't listen or as if I am not speaking at all... Should I shut up or going on in a different tone, or just keep telling her.  We went to the playground and I don't mind that she listens to the grass, even though everything is wet but moving further she started to do the same thing in dirt/ dust where might be broken glass as well. And then I start to panic and ask her to stop as it is not so safe...Nothing, no reaction... Then I tell her "look if you don't listen to me, then the consequences are these... she starts to listen and finally she stops from the dusty bath but with a big scream, cry. What would you in this situation?

Erica was so content to have us home. She missed me a lot but when we entered the door with Ava, she passed by me and went directly to her. She was so curious to see her. She waited 9 months and kissed a belly with bebe inside.  She liked to hold her in the arms and we made many things different than before, just to feel it's totally a special day.  First day at home in a body not so fit with two children. How was your arrival at home after giving birth?

This pregnancy felt 10 times harder than first.   I remember I didn't feel great with my first child, Erica, as well but  I was able to handle most of the discomforts (nausea, headaches, pains) through rest. Just reading on my sofa, taking a nap from time to time during the day, or slowing everything down. Impossible all of these with Erica around now. She started also not to take naps in the afternoon, therefore no break. It's not only this, Erica's energy but the more belly grew, the more clingy she started to be. It feels she gets more and more scared, even though I try to reassure, to present everything with enthusiasm and with love how it will be with the baby inside the house. Most recently she started to say I am only and only hers, those two hands are hers, my head is hers, all of my body is hers. Plus she is a baby again, she wants to be hold in arms like a baby; a great regress she has, that sometimes blocks me.  I had some contractions and I wanted to lie ...

We have long discussions in bed, before sleeping. She tries very hard to speak in German and Romanian. She mixes words from both languages in one sentence, when there is a sentence. My partner speaks mostly German and I speak Romanian with Erica. However, in her own language, which is funny sometimes, she lately constantly tells me the belly occupies her territory,  in bed.   Tomorrow my mother will come to help  us, while I am in labor and in the hospital. She sees my mother very often on video calls but I always translate what she says in German. This time, in some moments, it will be just the two of them. Hope they will make it with body language, when German doesn't help and Romanian is not enough.  To quote Erica about her sister "bebe raus, mama pot tot"  - translation "when bebe comes out, mama can do all"  Are your children speaking the same language as their grandparents? If not, how did they make it?  Instagram

 The chance to play as much as I want, without feeling that I lose my time with important things as an adult, to make so many silly things with Erica is among the reasons that I truly enjoy in being a mother. I  could have done those of course without having my child around but it's not as fun as when you share the laughter and the complicity with her.  The silliest I get the more she likes it. These days we saw in a book with kindergarten and some children have birds noses and we made as well, a few of them. Actually she wants them now almost every day.  In Corona times, I feel that if you are not creative and silly  yourself but also your child...it's impossible to make it through. Whenever Erica gets bored, she starts to pretend that she bakes a cake. I speak about sillyness and happiness, which I admit I sometimes force myself to bring them outside. Erica has a sort of a skin irritation while  I am stressed with the imminent labor. I just wish she gets ...

Her stubbornness, when my energy gets so low in the afternoon and evening, is something I have to deal almost every day. It pushes my patience limits; actually I need to overcome them with every occasion. I try to keep in mind what are the most important things  like food, time of sleep, being kind with others and us. But then are others things that she wants to be done in her way or only on her own, with no ones help. I find it hard to clean the chaos in the last part of the pregnancy. We clean sometimes together, but sometimes it's a definitive NO. But we adults make the same, sometimes we are able to be flexible and make compromises, other times it's "either my way or the highway": ).  I feel one girl inside needs protection, to be careful how I move, not to make too much effort but on the other hand Erica needs also attention, comfort and to be hold in my arms (when actually there are not so many comfortable hugging ways with a huge belly). This evening she strugg...

Expected the unexpected more the second time than the first time! I have never imagined myself a few years ago as a mother of two children. But here I am! I got pregnant for the second time in April 2020, in full lockdown in Berlin and in a full family crises. I already had a daughter of 2 years at that time, Erica. And I was finally happy back in my body, after breastfeeding her for 18 months.  Here I am 9 months later, after a long way. I feel this last year as being almost the hardest in my life. The pregnancy was 10 times more difficult than the firs one.  I have been walking for 10 minutes to the gynecologist check up and I felt like an elephant. I can hardly move, I feel huge, it's so hard to be in my body. It feels like it's not mine anymore. I am very grateful that I will have another baby but.... the little one took fully over my "normally" small body. I breath in and breath out and count the hours, the days, until I get my body back.  I will have another gir...